merenungkan dalam kesendirian

haaahhh... andai aj dy tau betapa gk enkny di rumah ndiri.
oke dg anjing 2 ekor.
andai aj dy tau klo dsni itu bnr2 asu dan bkin gue nangis at least sebulan 5 kali ( sumpah gue selang aer abs)

andai aj dy tau klo grja itu useless mnrt gue dsni,. its not my safe ground dude!
klo aj dy tau klo tmn2 gue care abs ma gue
klo aj dy tau klo mata gue bru aj ketets abothyl gra2 keslhn gue ndiri
klo aj dy tau klo leher gue gk bsa nengok gra2 sala tidur
klo aj dy tau gue lgi nangis pas nulis ini.

cape gue!!!! asuuuu......
klo aj dy tau, dy bru nambah mslh gue
daftar mslh gue
1. grja dan c A
2. temen yg bkin gue tmbh pusing
3. s bf yg lugu abs, pcrn serasa jalan2 mnggu doank. bgus bgt.

hey, hear me mom
u keep talking bou what should i do and about my grades
did u ever consider how much i love u?
did u give me my freedom that i really want?
did u know i feel jelous with my friends who live with their FAMILY???

yes live sucks and i fucked up.
with all of ur advice i'm grateful for that

but i wish so u can understand my feelings

the hope that i wish i had it

cape gue ma loeeee

knapa cwo itu susa dimengerti ya??? ooohhh... fucking shit.

sebtulny gue gk mnta ampe diperhatiin ampe kyk skype tiap malem ato mnta dikelonin tidur. tpi plis dh, jgn menghilang tanpa jejak. mang lo kira gue gk khawatir apa?????

shit shit shit shitt

great im totally fucked up

and hell yea' he got me.

emang enak apa chat doank, mang gue ini pacaran ma laptop gue ato ma manusia sh????? * pgn jewer th kuping*

jeles lah gue ngeliat tmn gue bsa skype kpn aj ampe ditemenin tidur ma cwony. gila cwo gue? sms aj gk, telp? jgn ditanya. skype? gue uda gk arep.
sumpah this is the worst bf i've ever met. :(

yup, 2 ari gk ksh kabar and dy dateng lgi dg note yg so sweeettt~~~~~~ dan yg pling bgus:

HE ACTED LIKE NOTHING HAPPENS

gue pas buka fb gue liat ada message d inbox gue dan pas gue buka kluarlah note yg indah itu. bgus sh rayuanny cuma sori aj nh, gk mempan ma gue..... gue bukan tipe yg suka cwo gomball!!

mdng lo ksh perhatian k gue dg smua sms yg paling singkat kyk: lgi ap? ati2 ya. dri pda :

bilang dunia terasa hampa tanpa dirimungelamun sendiri entah mau ngapainngga ada semangat untuk melakukan sesuatuakhirnya pikiran melayang-layangdan hati berkata kujenguk engkau dalam mimpikunamun dalam lamunan kau datangku coba tuk menyentuh mutapi ternyata semua semusenyum mu yang slalu membayangikumembuat hatiku semakin pilu memikirkanmu,,

oke, ini gue copy paste. sori klo berantakan. xp.
maybe its good tpiiii.... life is not a note mannnn.... i can be mean to him, more than this but i want him although yeah i know, its forbidden love.

dan stlh gue bales dg kata2 yg ( gue arep) bsa bkin dy mikir ttg prsaan gue

bru dah dy mau nelp gue

AKHIRNYAA...... MSTI YA CWO DIGNIIN??? MANG ENAK APA DIMARAHIN MA CWE NDIRI???

tpi gue uda keburu pait. ia lah scra gue ngerasa kq kyk gni sh, msti hrs dibilangin bru jalan. kyk gue mecut kebo aj dah. mang gue paksa dy? klo gk mau yah gk usah! mang dikirain gue gk bsa idup tanpa lo? sori ya, yg ngejar gue banyak!!!!

readers,... yes love sucks.

beauty needs sacrifice

pagi smua.... hri ini sutralia sejuk rda2 berangin secara australia memasuki musim gugur. ( hix, kmnp gk summer ato semi trs sh?) kn enak, hehehhehe...

oia, i just perm my hair!!

curly, well, berantakan sh, tpi itu pertamany, klo uda ngebentuk. loose psti jdi keren, huehehhehehehe
makany msti nunggu 24 jam sblom bole dicuci. (hu-uh) blom lgi treatmentny. ypi itu sebandinglah ma cantik yg dikasih ma perm ini.

pas gue d perm, uda ngantuk2, pdhl gue uda lama gk d salon lho!!! si mba e tarik2 rambut gue lgi trs di roll gtu biar ngebentuk. trs semprot obat, diemin, panasin ( emang gue nasi hainam????) trs kasih obat lgi, ( gue uda kebelet kencing, pgn makan, dan tidur) trs cabut th gulungan. sakit rambut ditarik2, msti nahan th perm bsrta roll2ny yg bejibun itu dan akhirnya....HOILAAA!! gue brubah jd:


taylor swift...

eh jgn ditutup dulu blogny, bole dh lo pda muntah tpi serius mang jdi kyk gtu. SERIUSS! emm....

tpi jd keren kq rambut gue, walau bau obat smua. huhuhu.

yg gue gk tau dr perming ini, perawatanny byk bgtttt!!! gue diterangin aj uda ampe gk ngerti. yg gue paham:
1. abs perm tunggu 24 jam bwt bsa cuci rambut
2. klo abs bgn tidur rda loose, gk pa2 cuci aj and it will ngembang lgi.
3. cuci rambut perm MUST USE SPECIAL SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER ( $29 AND $ 39)
4. blom lgi ksh CREAM FOR CURL AND PERM KE RAMBUT (MUST DO MENURUT SI MBA E)
omgggggg... gue ampe bengong, gk nyangka uda ngeluarin duit $ 166 perawatanny bsa ampe $ 100 lgi. sadis boooo..... tpi ya itu, hasil sebanding ma perawatan.

tpi berhubung gue ngerasa gue butuh nh treatment scra rambut lama gue mirip sapu ijuk drpda rambut sunsilk ( sapa th yg bkin rambut di iklan shampoo? bole dah deal ma rambut gue!) jd gue rsa itu worth it lah.

well,.. beauty needs sacrifice, right girls?

love and chinese new year in oz really really luck!

hohohohohoh.... uda lama gk update blog. jd canggung mau ngmng apa. heheheheh.

kebangun di 14 februari yg panas ini dg alarm hpe gue yg canggih itu. hri itu gue bgn pagi2 lho, khusus bwt nge curl rambut gue. biar jauh dr rumah ttp hrs keren n cantik dunk. cwe gtu loh....!!! pas gue buka fb, gue liat ada message satu.

and it was from him

telling he loves me.

gue syok, gue ktawa, gue terharu. gue pikir gk mngkn lah ya. wong dy blom pnh ktmu gue dlm 5 taon how could he loved me? it seems stupid and so impossible. isnt it?

and here i am, addicted to you.

happy valentine, babe. i love you.

asam manis cinta

hi guys,

back with spirit, gue uda mengatasi perasaaan bersalah gra2 fail. trs klo FAIL knp? itu memang bukan sesuatu yg bisa lo banggakan (ialah!) tpi bukan sesuatu yg memalukan jga. kec lo gk naek kls gtu tpi kn ini cuma 1 subject doank. dan seharusny wajar lah klo org mengalami suatu kegagalan dlm hal cinta ato even academic! mang ada ap org yg selalu berhasil di hidupny? jawabanny GK ADA! smua org psti prnh trial and error d hidupny. misalny aj: temen gue namany Anna (nama disamarkan) dy curhat ke gue:
A: gue sedih bgt
Gue: knp lgi na? ( mulai prihatin)
A: gue masak tomyam trs gagal. hiks. sedih bgt
gue:...
gue: HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHA
A: jahat lo
gue: lo masak tomyam? gagal? trs lo sdih?
A: iya.
gue: ( mkin ngikik) gk pa2 lah, itu kn bwt experience
A: (kliatanny mkin sedih) klo gtu gue bli d luar aj.....
tuh kan, dari gue dan A fail itu bisa trjadi kapan aj, dimana aj, dan utk hal apa saja. huehehehehehhe, niru bang napi. wapadalah!!!!

ok, back to cinta2an ini.

kebayang gk sh lo klo lo lgi suka ama seseorg tiba2 dy bilang,"oh my God, lo tau gk kemaren gue ktmu nh cwo (ato cwe, trgntng keadaan lo lah ya). and i love her/ him at the first sight. gmna nh, gue gk bsa berenti mmikir ttg dy!!!" sementara itu, yes, you love him/ her.

gue jga pnh ngerasa kyk gtu ama mntan ex- gebetan gue, pas gue asik ngbrl ambil caper, eh dy bilag, gue suka bgt ma nh cwe. gue msti ngapain y vlin bwt dapetin atiny? gue diem, syok, mulut gue berbusa dan gue pingsan. ok, ini lebay bgt. tpi emang, rsany emang sakit bgt wktu lo dnger
org yg lo suka menyukai org laen.

klnjtanny ya, gue nyaranin ini itu cara, ( gue uda mau nangis pas ksh tauny dan berharap dy d tolak.) dan dy ditolak sodara2! hohoohohooh

gue jd inget laguny taylor swift yg tears drop on my guitar,
he is the reason tears drop on my guitar..

omg itu nusuk bgt lho. yah mnurut gue sh lo better nyerah kalah ato lo mnta kejelasan. bukan nembak loh! repot jga sh klo kyk gni. klo gue sh ttp bntu dy dg tidak niat dan berdoa ditolak gtu. ahhahhahaah *devil mode: on*

well, any better idea?

sucks

man... gue fail accg guee....
aduh stres sedih malu jd campur kyk nasi campur...

tpi jujur bgt dah gue mang gk bsa nh 1 sub dr awal. dan gue mang gk ska bisnis dr awal. maybe thats why its hard to like this subject.
my sister said the subject is meant to be liked but somehow i dont think so. its so hard to change people prespective.
but i say different. if i dont like this subject i will not willing to learn it eventhough its easy for most people but i really really cant understand it.
and what i like is what they dont. shit. i want to be like other people that can choose their option without any influence and it really2 impossible for me. hate it.
a little jelous with novy, she can choose it while i just stuck with MY option in business which MY OPTION with their influence. i really dont know what to do now. its so hard.
my fam said their are so embrassed but i am the one who suffer more than they think. they think i might be happy but in fact it is really shit for me. i cant understand what the lecture said because i dont like it, its not my field. yeah, business is suck. too much theory that fucks.

stress mode :on

stressss..... exam gue bakal kluar d kmis n hri ini uda slsa. omg....mna gue gk yakin pass smua lgi scra gue gk konsen ngrjainny. TT pasrah aj dh gue.

dan masalh busines membisnis ini.
jujur gue sh gk pgn msk bisnis, scra gue gk ska bisnis. (-_-)' swt cuma mau gmna nasi uda jd bubur,., aduh.

sedih dh ngeliat org2 bole ambl jurusan sesuai keinginan masing2, ya itu sesuatu yang gk pnh bsa gue dapetin. what a pity...

coba aj doraemon bner2 ada gue psti mnta dora puter balik wktu supaya gue bisa menghubah fate gue yg bner2 shit ini.

haaaahhhh.... i wish to...

buset dah

hari itu terik bgt n gue uda ngos2an jln bwt mkn siang ma temen gue d city. (sumpe, cape bgt!)

dan gue ngeliat kambing tengah jalan lgi kencing.

gue kaget.

gue shock.

gue bengong.

si kambing yg wrna abu2 itu keliatanny lost.

smua org ketawa n gue cekikikan hihihihiihhi..... hohohohooh... hahhahahh....

lucu bgt nh kambing, udalah gue ikutin.

lewat jaln msk k business area, s kambing abu2 ini msk k satu bank dmna satpamny dg bengongny. gue celingukan nyari pemilikny n nyadar klo msh ada 1 ekor lgi ma 1 org. hohohoho...><

eh tnyata si kambing abu2 ini bnr2 bandel ampe akhrny 1 org polisi cwo ( cakep lho!) hueheheheheh nangkep nh kambing. untung gk diseruduk pak! trs dy melototin s pemilik ma kambing yg 1 ny lagi. buset dahhh....

singkat crta dg suksesny ng org ditilang. mngkn krna bwa kambing k tengah kota kali yee.... apa mungkin krna kambingny mau ngerampok bank? ato krna mbekny kencing dg coolny di tengah jln? hahahaha

we'll never know....

clbk -CINTA LAMA BERSEMI KEMBALI-

honestly i never think that clbk2 thing ini bsa bersemi kembali. scra gue anggp y itu hanya masa lalu and the way it should be. huehehehehehheh

permulaanny bgni::

wktu gue sma dlu, ad 1 cwo yg dket bgt ma gue. tpi y bhng gue dngr gosip klo nh cwo psiko y gue takut lah. ialahhhh.... masa gk takut, gue gk normal dunk?
dan dg cool-ny si cwo ini nembak dpn 1 kelas.
benar sodara2 DI DEPAN 1 KELAS.

gk usah tnggu bsok, pas break gue ditanya trus: lo trima gk si xx ini? bae lho..

omg..

cuma itu yg ada d pikiran gue yg pendek ini.

stlh pikir panjang (panjang bgtttt 1000 km lbh)..
gue mutusin tolak dy.

malemny dg menguatkan hati dan iman gue telp dy dg gagah berani
dan bilang: sori gue rsa bettr temenan dah...

dan untuk saat itu gue seneng. at least selesai.

eh bsok paginy

eveline! parah lo, lo nolak xxx ya?????? tega amat lo???? treak temen gue
*shock* n *kaku*

what the!!!????
tnyata smua org uda tau, s xxx ini ngsh tau mrka
bgus bgt.
disaat kyk gni lah gue bharep gue bisa taro muka gue d pantat.

and 5 years passed..

dan skrg gue berhadapan lgi dg xxx dg temen gue yyy yg nanya apa gue msh ada rsn ma dy

jujursh gue binun. maybe yes maybe not. because itu kn uda past.
tpi gue pikir aolah kita coba.

dan dsilah gue, ngeliatin noti fb yg bikin gue binun apa yg akan gue jawab. hahahhaha

maybe this is what we called love

driving us crazy and killing us softly.

and past wont be past that we can forget.

while past can be future as well...

and logic wont work in this matter..

bloddy hell!

again and again.

oke ini bukan lgu avril lavigne yg girlfriend itu cuma mirip itu. at least itu kondisi gue skrg. *sigh*

well, out of to our main menu.

gue uda baikan ma nyokap. at least it getting better sh walau gue mkin dikekang but i guess it is ok right? told ya sumthing, when u cant fight it just become friends of it! easy right? although its break my heart so deeply.

and my dad? yeah he's going to be okay. i love him more than everything.

cuma masih tetep aj ( n gue rsa susah skali bwt brbh) klo nyokap gue msh demand sesuatu yg gue anggp rda imposibble.

yup, bloody hell imposible.

dy mnta gue plng di bwh jam 9.. and it meansssss..... no bar, no k****l ( ok this one is not a problem) and no ladies nite out!!! *sigh* cape dheeee......

well im gonna give it a shot though.

and i had my funny story and lovely day today:

crtany dimulai wktu gue ma temen2 gue prgi ke lumiere bwt maen basket after meeting ( map pak, sya tidur. abs sya gk ngrti topikny, jd mndng bobo lah)

dan mrka mulai maen basket gue bengong trs mutusin maen capitan dan.... KALAH. -_-'

alias gk dapet ( gk pntng dah)

si A who is the leader bilang: males maenny gk ada yg ngalahin sh
gue (dg kerenny) : u know what, sepandai pandainy tupai melompat jatuh jga lho

trs dimulailah babak k 2 .

si A (yg kbykn ngeremehin dr pda menghargai) : ....( sambil mulai celingukan)
si B: (dengan gagahny masukin bola ampe nilai yg lbhhhhh tinggiii drpda s A)
gue: YE! YE! GO! GO! B! U ARE SO COOL!!!!!!! GO! GO!

gtu trus ampe mati.
YA GAK LAH!!!

dan sodara2... hasilnya..... jeng jeng jeng!!!!! SI A KALAH DG SANGAT AMAT MEMALUKAN!!!

gue: *ktawa setan ala neneklampir*" hohohohohohohohoh... sukurrrrr!!!! makan th!"

si A : *sok cool* ya kali2 mengalah lah, kn lgian gue gk srius tdi pas srius uda ktinggln jauh.

gue: gk bsa gk bsa aj dah.

si A : *bte mampus ma gue*

ahhhhh.... adem sariiiii..... uups th ma iklan. mksd gue ahhh.... puasny diriku.

lesson for today:

bhng biar bisa dipublish tnpa gue mnta izin orgny gue samarin aj ya.

well... gue klo lagi stres ykluarlah itu yg namany kebon binatang+ shit+ fuck+ damn + dkk

and this is my habit that i really need to change

lgi buka fesbuk tiba2 gue ngeliat inbox gue nambah

gue buka,
from xxx

intiny aja yah gue males ngetikny: crta dunk klo ada apa2. jgn nggunain swear2 gtu. kn gk enk dibacany. apalgi lo anak grja n org grja jga gk enak kli ngeliatny. apalgi image dr org luar, psti buruk dah.

Gue: ooh.... shit.

and gue mutusin not to reply.

why?

because some secret are not meant to be revealed..

complicated things

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late, too late

Oh, it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

-broken string- nelly furtado feat james morisson

gue slalu coba yg terbaik bwt hal ini.
apa salah klo gue pgn control over my own life??

is it that wrong to have fun??
well, gue mulai menyadari klo d hidup ini there always been sacrife to gain something

and there will be always pain
pain will make us stronger.

tears down to my cheek and my heart hurts so deeply.
for a moment i really wish i can die

whats the point of having ur life which u cant control and use it?

maybe i was stupid and i cant make my plan well.
from past i wish that oneday i able to spread my wings and fly away from this living hell

a couple minutes ago i felt its better for me to die.
u can say i fail in my life, stupid and any other all damn fuck things on me

but i feel like shit right now and i dont know what to do
it feels like u are a bird and u r inside golden cage
everything seems too perfect to be with all that facility right in front of ur eyes
only one thing i cant get
my life

how many times i need to pray, asking God how to put an end to this?
ooww,,., give me a break i just want trust from u guys
to trust me and believe in me.

well i write this blog so u can understand me and i will pray so u wont feel the same as me

or another choice

u fight, 50% fail and 50% sucess

the finance exam

i just had my exam.

yes, a damn stupid exam.

gue rsa sh gue confidence bwt bbrp soal cuma gue ama skali gk yakin gue bsa pass ato gk. masalahny, byk yg gue longkapin booo....
kata sapa tuh suruh longkapin trs balik lgi? gue uda kyk gtu, gk ngaruh tuh, worse malah. (bagus sekali.)
soal k1; gue balik aj dhe k ini ntar, cuma teori. nembak jga bisa. selesain yg laen dlu lah yaaa (pikir gue)
soal k2 (a n b) : hmm... ini gue bsa yg a n yg b lumayan..
soal k3; bisa separo
soal k4: tae lo,. mna nilai paling gede lgi... arghhhhh,., i hate annuity!!!!
soal k5: 3/4 bsa
soal k6: bsa lah.. ini mah ok
soal k7: paling gk ini satu2ny soal yg gue yakin

pas 3 mnit trkhr, gue msh stuck ma soal no 4 itu. n gue bener2 lupa klo soal no 1 blom gue krjainnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...... mampusssssssss
pas dikumpul gue msh ma soal 4.
bbrp detik abs ngumpul, gue bru inget th soal no 1.

omg.. it really SUCKSSSSSSS

huhuhu... what i can do is only pray to God..

hohohohoho... but i wont miss out next time and i will not mess up with my next exam, economy.
oke see u guys and wish me luck in this cute economy exam. heheheheh and gut lak for all of us who has exam. :)

serba serbi tentang minum

selama di oz ini gue tertarik bwt nyoba minum. oke,its not good, but under special circumstances ndak opo ya boooo

first time i went inside to the bar i felt so guilty. tpi second, third and more.. ehem.,. i feel comfortable. so its only matter of our feeling actually. when u say yes i can, then ur body will follow the decision. so dont afraid to try this thing! ( in positive purpose)

gue jdi inget ptama kali gue prgi k bar. uumm... pikiran gue nanya mulu, kita ini bole ato gk sh? mangny ini gk haram gk sh????
and then i conclude:
that it depends, if u make it bad then it will turns bad. but if it is for good then it will be for good.
i just try to be netral as possible :)

about this one i have one story.. hahahahha... hope u guys will enjoy it :)

wktu sore itu gue k bar ma genk gue. kita bwa anak yg msh... bawah umur. sebenerny sh gue cuma pgn aj biar dy gk katro2 amat biar tau gtu. uda ampe dsna, gue ma temen gue mesen beer ma bay ley. sebel bgt gue, th bar ley diksh dikit bgt!!! rese, give me back my 5.7 dollar!!!!
si anak itu yg pgn tauuuuuuuuuuuuuu bgttttttttttt melas2 gue pgn coba. atas dasar, oke lah ya, wong cuma seteguk ato 2 gk pa2 lah ya. trs dy minum n tereak, wah enak bgtttt!! mau dunk gueeee!!! gue ma temen2 gue uda bilang ke dy jangan soalny dy kn msh bgtu. eh dy ngotot. yuda dy kasih. jdi dy mesen th chicken breast ma bayley dg share ma temen gue itu.
tegukan pertama: masih normal
tegukan ke2: mulai keliatan rda gk beres
tegukan ke 3: uda mulai meracoo
gue pikir ah masa sh, bru jga brp teguk. masa mabok? celakany, gue bner2 lupa kalao temen gue itu GK PNAH MINUMMMM
tegukan k4: kita uda mau ambl minumny ngeliat gejala2ny ini tpi dy mati2an pertahanin kyk indiana jones pertahanin crystal skullny dr penjahat.
tegukan ke 5: kaki mulai naek k temen gue, galak mampus. tiba2 tereak: WOIIIII!!!! MAKAN INI!!!!! ke trmrn gue yg biasany lebih galak ma dy
gue: eh eh lo mkn aj dhe sbelom terjadi apa2 ma kita.
temen gue yg pesen beer: ketakutan trs mkn
temen gue yg laen: ehh cabut aj yuk kita bwa anak yg under nh ntar klo knp2 ma dy kita ygb kena lho.
gue: yuda cabut lah.
temen gue yg pesen beer: LETS GO!!
akhrny kita cabut dg memapah anak yg uda hangover berat itu. gue coba mapah dy, tpi sumpah
berat lho, gue aj ampe gk kuat. eh pas dy turun tangga dy jatoh dg sukses. untngny bkn kejembab gtu tpi lemes aj kakiny. tpi untungny lgi. temen gue megangin, jdi gk parah2 amat.
tpi kocak bgt lho org mabok. ngomong gk jelas, jalan uda kyk di kapal, goyang sni goyang sana. lo kira goyang ngebor?????
gue ma temen2 gue makin panik.
temen gue: eh lo bli susu dhe.
akhrny gue beli th susu trs gue ksh. eh tauny nh anak malah muntahin. alamakkkkk.... yuda gue anterin k rmhny.
seriously, gue bru pnah ngeliat org mabok yg parah bgt d dpn muka gue lho. tnyata.... mabok itu bsa beragam dy stres jd galak, dy takut jd berani, dy lurus jadi miring! hihiihihihi....

-the end-

oia, just for information;
bay ley itu enak jga lho, must try thing nh.

knapa gue pilih kangkung terasi

alasan pertama:
mannnn,.,.,. gue suka bgt kangkung terasi. pa lgi klo di pangkep di muara karang. hmmm... klo lo pda blom tau n tertariik lo hub ....oh bukan. jgn liat tpt tpi suer, ikan bakarny baronanng ny enak bangetttttt....mammamia!!!!!
jangan liat tempat ny ( mang kaki lima sh,.) tpi liat rasany, hohohoohohoho....
by the way today is rda mendung bkin gue pgn tidur aj, pdhl rmh gue kn jauh, boro2 bsa tidur d rmh. mentok2 gue paling tidur di perpus ambl bkin pulau. *sigh*


oke, aiowei, i gonna have my FUCKING EXAM next week. please2 please... pray for me....><